that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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