Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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