You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
