i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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