Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The adults are the big ones right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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