I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
