i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Panties = found
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
