i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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