I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need water and some morals
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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