I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize