Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
