now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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