I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
