he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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