Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
