I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
