idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
