My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize