be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
