We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
