I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
