So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
