he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
