So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
