girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
