Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize