Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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