he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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