My hand turned me down
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You were trust falling into bushes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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