is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
