When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize