I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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