Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
there is puke in my bra ... again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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