His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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