That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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