Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
