Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
