Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
