he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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