Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you win again, gameday.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
