Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize