i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
