To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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