'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
