...so i touched it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
