So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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