my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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