i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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