And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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