So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize