you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
