You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize