Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
