He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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