We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
