You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
