he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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