No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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