when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
