I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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