but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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