once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
