I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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