I am puke
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
