my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
