so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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