Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
