Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize