the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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