I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
