I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
