you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
