a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
