I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
