have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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