Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
