So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
