If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
