Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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