Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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