i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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