dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish i was in the wii world.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
