How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
