I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
