you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
