Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
