# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
