he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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