I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Life without a bra equals bliss.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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