Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
whose parrot is this?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
