dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
