dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
