remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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