Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
