new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
