But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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