Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
