It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
