my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
