you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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