I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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