he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
