i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
