you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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