It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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