What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
