No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize