ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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