So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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