life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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