my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
