Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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