i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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