He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
