It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
