How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
