I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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