Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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